Witty Repartee & Insult Examples
I am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend – if you have one.
Fine words! I wonder where you stole them.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.
He hasn’t an enemy in the world, but all his friends hate him.
He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.
I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.
I like your new hair style, it makes your nose look smaller.
I regard you with an indifference bordering on aversion.
Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend second – if there is one.
I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.
Sometimes I need what only you can provide; your absence.
Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
You have delighted us long enough.
You’re a good example of why some animals eat their young.
You’re a parasite for sore eyes.
You’re funny, in the way that you make people laugh at you.
You’re pretty in an unconventional way.
You’re really pretty in this picture, I didn’t recognize you!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
You're not only dull yourself, you are the cause of dullness in others.
You are simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.
There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.
They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; you, whenever you go.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
The trouble with you is that you lack the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
Nice perfume, must you marinate in it?
I wish we were better strangers.
I see you're still working on your random intelligence.
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice.
You never slow down to think, I guess it's too painful to spend time with your own thoughts.
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
Don't be humble, you're not that great.